As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Found the puke drawer
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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