Me too!
Someone shit on the floor
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
