i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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