he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
