i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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