We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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