I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
