im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
