Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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