Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
