i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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