Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
