My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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