theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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