I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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