Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
