apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
