I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
