i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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