Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
