There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
