my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
