You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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