He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
