He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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