I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
