I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
