i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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