She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
