Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
