can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
