some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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