How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
