Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He kissed a someone with a penis
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He shit in the fireplace
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
