Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
