I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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