Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
