Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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