This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
