ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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