Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
