One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
420 ftw
Sponge bath it is.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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