Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
