Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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