And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
