Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
