Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
