Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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