Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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