Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm drive I can fine osifer
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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