does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
