She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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