My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
it glows. i had to have it.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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